1. Resistance to the pastor’s leadership. In my experience working with pastors of small churches, this is the number one reason. In the past month alone, I have had conversations with two pastors who were discouraged and seriously considering quitting. One had been at his church for ten years. The complicated organizational structure of the church was hindering his ability to lead. Even simple decisions were bottle-necked by the many layers of committees, and old-guard leadership refused to address the problem. The ten-year battle with this bureaucracy was taking its toll on this gentle and godly pastor. The second was just two years into the ministry but was already facing a small but fierce opposition group. The majority of members supported his leadership but were reluctant to challenge his opponents. From my outsider’s view, God is clearly using both of these men to lead their churches back to spiritual health. I see the resistance they are facing as evidence that they are on the right track. Fortunately, both of these pastors have chosen to be part of a support system of other pastors who are able to offer an objective perspective and strengthen their resolve to labor on.

2. Discouragement from unfair criticism. It seems there is an unlevel playing field in the ministry: the members get to criticize the pastor, but the pastor must never respond in kind. A steady stream of criticism toward a pastor and/or his family is one of the unfortunate realities of many small, unhealthy churches. Early in my ministry, I had to ask my board to establish some common sense, fair fighting rules. The board agreed that they would not entertain anonymous criticism. If a person did not have the courage to make their complaint openly, he or she did not have the right to bring it. This is certainly in line with the teaching of Matthew 18. My board also made it clear that personal attacks on the pastor, his family, or, indeed, any church member would not be tolerated. While policies were fair targets for criticism, people were not. Further, the board and I tried to maintain an open-door policy so that people felt they could speak freely and we would listen. We also decided to hold public hearings before annual budget meetings and before any major plans were announced. In this way, the board could address concerns, quelch rumors, and adjust plans as needed. Over time, with these rules and transparency in place, trust between the leaders and congregation grew, and criticism decreased.

3. A sense of failure. Success in the pastoral ministry is hard to measure. Congregations and pastors tend to gauge it by church attendance numbers. Let’s face it—pastors live or die by their average Sunday attendance. When attendance is up, we swell with pride. When it is down, we feel like failures and begin to question our call. I confess there was a time when I was obsessed with attendance numbers. When Sunday attendance was up, I was elated. When it was down or plateaued, I was depressed. That feeling would ruin my Sunday afternoon and spill over onto my Monday. I finally got off that emotional roller coaster by no longer checking the attendance.

The competitive spirit among pastors around numbers destroys the sense of community. In a pastor’s group I was part of, we agreed never to discuss attendance figures. In comparing ministries, we do a disservice to Christ, who has made all his shepherds and flocks distinct. We are trying to compare that which is incomparable. It evidently is not a new problem, as the Apostle Paul had to pour cold water on the Corinthians’ habit by reminding them, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants, nor he who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow.” Here’s my plea to pastors: stop checking the numbers (you are probably doing better than you realize) and focus on planting and watering. God will measure our success by our faithfulness to His call, not headcount in the pews.

4. Isolation. Pastoral ministry can be very isolating, and that can lead to loneliness. It is difficult to labor on in ministry without close friends. According to church communications guru Tim Peters, “70 percent of pastors do not have someone they consider a close friend.” That statistic is not hard to believe. Pastors typically and frequently move from a familiar community to a new and strange community, leaving friends behind. Also, most pastors find it difficult to establish deep, trusting relationships with members of their church. The risk of betrayal is just too high. Given how hard it is to be someone’s close friend and pastor simultaneously, the temptation is to turn to our wives for friendship. Christian psychologist Ray Pendleton advises men not to make their wives their best friends. He suggests that when a man says his wife is his best friend, he likely means she is his only friend. A pastor’s wife is his helpmate, lover, and most trusted advisor, but a pastor also needs another man as his close friend. Often, a pastor’s best friend is another pastor who understands the unique life of a pastor and can fully empathize with us in our successes and failures. I count myself blessed with just such a close friend of more than 40 years. I have shared my hopes, dreams, sins, and failures with him. I have heard the words of Christ’s forgiveness to me spoken by him. If you don’t have a close friend, ask God to lead you to someone with whom you can build a deep, long-term friendship.

5. Moral failure. Studies show that inappropriate behavior by pastors is a major reason why they leave the ministry. An understanding of relational boundaries is the safeguard. By boundaries, we mean those usually unwritten guidelines that help us know how to proceed in our personal and professional lives. We likely learned These best practices in Bible school or seminary, but learning and doing are often two different things. As pastors, we must scrupulously avoid inappropriate interactions with our parishioners or people outside the church. Boundaries protect congregants from the abuse of power that pastors inherently have due to their leadership positions. Boundaries also protect pastors from false accusations. Boundaries help us ministry leaders maintain clear, holy relationships. Here are some common sense guardrails:

• • • • Be aware of your own needs and find Godly and appropriate ways of meeting them.
      • Ask yourself if your actions are in the best interest of the other person or if they only satisfy your needs.
      • Establish a system of accountability with a mentor, spiritual director, or colleague.
      • Be careful when accepting gifts from church members. Be certain you are not expected to reciprocate. Find a way to decline gifts that are inappropriate.
      • Never discuss your own marriage or personal problems with those who come to you for help.
      • Establish guardrails around any spiritual counseling that you do.

Because ministry is relationally intimate, it is not uncommon to have feelings of attraction toward those you are serving or working with. Be very scrupulous in acknowledging these feelings to your mentor or your spouse, but never to the person for whom you have them.

Take boundaries seriously. Far too many pastors have ruined their marriages, their families, their ministries, and even their churches and have brought shame on the Gospel because they failed morally. May we pray along with David in Psalm 69:6, “May those who hope in You not be disgraced because of me, O Lord….”

6. Family stress. All pastors know the toll that ministry can take on their family. Churches often have very unrealistic expectations of the pastor’s spouse and children. The best time to adjust these false expectations is before you accept a call. But even if you missed that opportunity, a pastor must always see his family as his first ministry. If necessary, he must remind his congregation that they hired only him, not his wife or children. He must safely guard his marriage and provide times and places of retreat and refuge for his family. Dallas Willard has famously stated, “It is the responsibility of every Christ-centered follower to carve out a satisfying life under the rule of God or else sin will start to look good.” God does not call us to sacrifice our children or marriage to the cause of the ministry. We must find a way to carve out that satisfying life.

7. Burnout from being in a role you are not gifted for. Burnout does not come simply from hard work. Instead, it comes from hard work with no satisfaction or appreciable results. Burnout often happens because we are not serving according to our spiritual gifts and call. Acts 6:1-7 tells the story of the Apostles laboring in tasks they were not called to and the action they took to correct it. In ministry, we are often asked to do far more than we can or are gifted for. We can sustain this for a while, but not forever.