Conflict In the Church

Part 1: Minimizing Conflict

(Part 1 of a 2-part series)  

Conflict reared its ugly head during my tenth year as pastor of a mainline Congregational church. Before my arrival a decade earlier, the church had been in steep decline for 30 years, and when I arrived, it was functioning more like a country club. The message from the pulpit was increasingly theologically liberal. Because this watered-down gospel had little compelling power, no one was converted, members aged, and the church shrank. By the time I took the pulpit, there had been talk of either closing down the church or merging with one of the three other Congregational churches in town. Instead, the people took a chance and called this newly minted pastor. It was my first pastorate.

I began to preach the gospel and do my best to care for my flock. Very slowly, we began to see spiritual and numerical growth. However, not all was well in the land. A small group of people was decidedly not happy. They were critical of my leadership and the biblical focus; they especially resented the younger outsiders who were drawn to biblical preaching. These newcomers were joining the church and moving into leadership, and that provoked pushback from the old guard. At first, I tried to work with the dissenting group, but I became increasingly aware that they were undermining my leadership and turning others against me. I suspected they were trying to force me out, as they had my two predecessors. Some of my supporters said I was being paranoid; others suggested that maybe I was the problem. I was confused, deeply troubled, and beginning to doubt my call. After ten years of what I thought was fruitful ministry, I was beginning the most difficult time of my pastorate, as it appeared that the church might split, or I might be dismissed. (The story continues next month.)

As pastors, we face few experiences in a church’s life as painful as conflict: it produces sleepless nights, churning stomachs, anxious thoughts, opposing sides, and winners and losers. We all hate conflict and try to avoid it, but as we make the difficult choices necessary to lead a church back to health, conflict becomes inevitable.

Matthew 18:15-17:“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

 II Corinthians 13:1:“Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”

 I Timothy 5:19:Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.  

Ask your leadership board to agree to these common-sense, biblical rules. This will reduce anonymous criticism and frivolous complaints. If people do not have the courage to own up to their concerns or sign a complaint, then you should not entertain their censure. Pastors and church boards should be approachable and accessible so that members can readily bring their concerns. Ironically, Pastoral Relations Committees, popular in many churches and designed to foster communication and harmony, often have the opposite effect. By creating a third party (the committee), they create triangulation. The complainant can bring a criticism to the committee, not the pastor. Often these committees then shield the identity of the complaining party. This process is patently unfair to the pastor since he or she has no idea who the source is. It’s far better for the pastor and church leaders to foster clear and open lines of communication. If pastors create a climate of availability and approachability, then third party mediators are not needed.  

• Hold a pre-meeting, with all the leaders present, to agree on the agenda and the hoped-for outcomes. When the leadership is unified, a few screamers are unable to control the large gathering.
• Offer hearings with the congregation before a major vote. This way, you show respect to, and get input from, the wider church.
• Share a meal before a meeting to reinforce the bond among the members. It is harder to get angry at people with whom you have just broken bread.
• Above all, prepare spiritually for the meeting, with the leaders yielding in prayer to the head of the body. Pray for the fruit of the spirit to be exhibited in the lives of the members, leaders, and pastor.